We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
