I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
