I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
