i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
