Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i already hear my dad disowning me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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