in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
