life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
