I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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