so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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