my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
