we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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