There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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