Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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