the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
