:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
