LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
