no. you can't hotbox the world.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
