Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
