i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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