I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
