Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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