Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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