I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
