Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
