The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
