dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
