Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
