he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What drink are we having for lunch?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
