If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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