I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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