we have officially lost it.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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