I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
