My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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