i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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