so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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