The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
