i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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