My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
