Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
