i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
