Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
