Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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