I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
