I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
