I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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