Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
