I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
