Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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