I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
