she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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