I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
