wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
