I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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