there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
